Beautiful Disaster

Coming Soon

2008-04-12T13:48:00.002+08:00

I've decided to revive my blog over the summer...do come by and visit. It's going through some major overhaul! Just hang in there! It'll be back up real soon!

Back Home

2006-12-14T22:53:00.000+08:00

It's good to be back home...

There's a picture of me, my sister and my very shy nephew Nyles! It's really great to see the kids again. They just love to say the funniest things in the world! I have this other nephew, Nico (the older brother of Nyles), who talks like a Rugrat. His R's are W's. Here's a typical conversation of me and Nico:

One fine day, he was playing with Buzzlightyear, a character from "The Toy Story"...
Me: Hey Nic, that's a nice toy! Who is it?
Nico: Buzzlightyear! (pronounced as 'Buzz-light-ee-yo')
Me: Oh! Buzz-light-ee-yo?
Nico: No! Buzzlightyear! (But again pronounced as 'buzz-light-ee-yo')
Me: Buzz-light-ee-yo?
Nico: NO!!! BUZZLIGHTYEAR! (With a louder and a more frustrated 'buzz-light-ee-yo')

Haha I'm mean but it's fun to talk to them! So that's the bulk of the things I do here...just play with my nephews.

I've now been introduced to the world of yoga. There's this thing called the Bikram Yoga where you do the athletic yoga, as opposed to the meditative one. The unique thing about it is that the room is heated so basically, you're supposed to sweat like mad. But oh well, I didn't really sweat at all. After one try, I've decided that I'm more compatible with the gym. :p

And of course, who could ever forget the shopping??? The shopping here is fantastic because it is WAY cheaper than the ones back in Singapore. Since the Philippines is a place known for cheap labor, a lot of imported clothes are produced here...including: GAP, OLD NAVY and TOMMY HILFIGER. Sometimes it's difficult to control the production. Well, good thing for me, some of these clothes/products make their way to this place called Greenhills where people can avail of these products for about 1/3 the price! They're called export overruns...they're not fake. They're just...not sent to the States. Sort of like leftovers.

All these are fun...but at the end of the day, there's still one thing I miss: carolling! Thinking of you guys back there...wish I could sing with you too! But oh well, maybe next year! I'm sure all of you are having fun making music...! Will be with you guys in thoughts!

Many Thanks!

2006-11-19T14:52:00.000+08:00

For all those who went to Starry Night 4: You and I Both, many many many thanks! :) It was great performing for you guys! You've been such a supportive crowd, I couldn't feel any more comfortable! It's the best gig I've ever had and thanks to all of you for making it happen! Biggest thanks goes out to all the FLIPS who were all out in supporting us...your presence made all the difference!

To FLIPSIDE: Thanks so much guys for giving me this opportunity to work with all of you! I'd say it wasn't even work, it was more of, enjoying music with you guys! :) All of you have such great talents I'm really proud of each and everyone of you! Let's not make this a one-night-only event!

The Case of the Scrumptious Beancurd

2006-10-16T11:52:00.000+08:00

So here I am at the Senches--> short for SESS benches --> short for School of Economics and Social Sciences Benches, eating my favorite Mr. Bean beancurd with pearls. Yup, you read that correctly. It's soya beanCURD with PEARLS. You see, it's really tough to order this crruent addiction. Everytime I tell the lady I want beancurd with pearls, she reaches out for the cup to get soyabean milk instead. So I'd say, "No, no, no, beanCURD." And of course, she'll look at me puzzled for about 10 seconds, until I have to repeat it again while panicking cause I'm already late for my next class. And after looking at me for 10 seconds, she will of course repeat after me. "BeanCURD?" "Yes auntie, beanCURD." So after prolonging the waiting time of those behind me (who I assume is also going to be late for class), I finally get what I want.

It is really THAT strange? Well, it's a commin thing in the Philippines. Maybe not with the big black pearls but it's still beancurd with pearls. Take a look:

That whitish-transparent-ish thing on the left most is the pearls (sago). Beside it is the sweet sauce and the one on the right is the beancurd. Yup, this is what you see in the streetsides of Manila. Not your usual red bean ice cream sandwhich.

I'm a Superhero

2006-10-13T23:02:00.000+08:00

Have you ever thought of who you'd wanna be if you were a superhero? Or what your superpowers would be? Cause if I were one, I'd probably want to have the ability to know what other people are thinking. Well of course it can be a pain especially after watching the movie "What Women Want" but I guess this world needs a little bit more honesty. I just hate having to second guess what people are feeling or thinking. There's so much room to make false judgement and conclusions which may not be true... I know it's not as selfless as having the capacity to "save the world" but I guess it's a little bit more connected to the normal side. I won't have the need to stop my feelings for other people (like Superman for Lana Lang) cause I always have to "go somewhere". Or I don't have to lie about my job (like Sydney Bristow) cause practically, I don't have a job (yet)! Ok, Sydney Bristow isn't really a superhero but you know what I mean. So if I just knew what other people are thinking, it doesn't mean that I have to fly around and save lives...well except for those who are suicidal.

Anyway, tomorrow is the ACJC Open House so I urge all of you to drop by. :) It's a great school I'm sure everyone will enjoy it! Go and listen to the choir sing as well! Surely, you'll have a fun time there. :)

BREAK BREAK BREAK!

2006-10-09T23:38:00.000+08:00

Whee! Finally the break has come! Sigh it's been a long time since I last saw daylight...I've been in school catching up with lessons, meeting deadlines, meeting groupmates...roar. No wonder they call SMU the Singapore Meeting University. Lame, but yes, I now understand why. Although my week is not exactly study-free, here's what I intend to do:

1. Go back to the gym.
2. Read a book.
3. Finish my TV show backlogs.
4. Go to the beach.
5. Watch a movie.
6. Shop!
7. Sing!
8. Ok, fine. Study a bit.

Oh and yes, I plan to update my blog more regularly from now on. :) But for now, I've got some tv backlogs to finish! Ta-ta!

Waiting

2006-06-23T06:45:00.000+08:00

It's 6:46AM and I'm trying to keep myself awake. I have about half an hour more before I leave for the airport. Don't really dare to sleep cause I might miss my flight! Horrors of horrors if that really happens. So anyway, I just decided to update since I've finished packing and there's nothing else to do.

It's going to be a truly busy two months ahead of me. Well, right now, I'm just waiting for my flight to Manila to spend a good 5 days with my family and also to celebrate my Grandmother's 90th birthday. After that, I've got a day left in Singapore (which will be used to for some performance) before I fly to Europe for our choral tour. This time, we will be competing in Wales. That will be followed by my trip to France, Italy and Austria (Sound of Music, here I come!). I'll be coming back to Singapore to do my matriculation stuff at SMU and if my parents allow me, I'll be visiting my sister in Canada after that! I'm really excited about travelling...hope things work out the way it was planned.

I've Lost It

2006-06-20T01:33:00.000+08:00

Cristina: How do you keep your edge sir? Because I've watched you and you've been doing this a long time and you're clean, you're focused, you are the job, nothing gets to you. And the thing is sir, I was like that, until I got here. Until I actually started doing this job and now everything is---is fuzzy and
Chief: That’s beside the point.
Cristina: No see sir, this is the point. Because I can't tell you, I can't tell you what happened in that room. And before I could have, no guilt, no loyalties, no problem. Before, before I wouldn't have even been in that room. I wouldn't have gotten involved. I would have never frozen in surgery. And I would have told him what I thought he should do. I had an edge, sir. I had an edge and I've lost it, and I need it. I need it back. So, if you could just tell me, how you keep yours and how not to be affected, I know I could be a great surgeon. So if you could just give me the answers, I would really appreciate it.

The truth is, I've become more human. I've learned how to feel...how to let go. But I don't know whether it is actually a good thing. It made things less clear. No more black or white. It's all different shades of grey. I get distracted and sometimes, it feels like I just couldn't get back on track. Silly, huh? But being more human made me learn to care...not just about myself but care about others too. I've learned to laugh...but I've learned to cry too. Others define it as living life to the fullest. But is it? I'm not too sure.

Black Roses

2006-06-14T21:34:00.000+08:00

Can I ask you a question please

Promise you won't laugh at me

Honestly I'm standing here

Afraid I'll be betrayed

As twisted as it seems,

I only fear love when it's in my dreams

So let the morning light come in and let the darkness fade away

Can you turn my black roses red?

Drowning in my loneliness

How long must I hold my breath

So much emptiness inside I could fill the deepest sea

I reach to the sky as the moon looks on

One last year has come and gone

It's time to let your love rain down on me

Can you turn my black roses red?

Cuz I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love.

Life So Far

2006-06-06T13:44:00.000+08:00

Yes I know I haven't been updating much. I've been really occupied with so much stuff that life actually feels like a soap opera now. And no, I'm not exaggerating. But despite all these, I'm glad there are people around me who stand by me :) And of course, prayers do work wonders!

Hmm..I don't really feel like blogging about it. So I'll blog again when I feel like writing already. :p Going to get my fix of McDreamy now.

Thank You

2006-05-30T21:13:00.000+08:00

An Evening With Friends 2006

Thank you so much for sharing this special night with me. It was indeed a wonderful night of music making! See you all again next year. :)

Here I Go Again

2006-04-06T21:46:00.000+08:00

It's just all so familiar. A year ago, I was in the exact same rut. I've been trying to get out but I'm just too afraid. And even if I've managed to break down the wall, it feels naked. It's as if sooner or later, I'll somehow land back to where I came from.

Whenever I muster up enough courage I realize that it's not the only thing I need. Trust. I need to trust myself that it is possible and that I can do it. But why is it so hard? And even if I manage to succeed...is it enough?

"Sometimes it feels no one understands. I don't even know whyI do the things I do. When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul, will you break down these walls and pull me through?"

Independent Woman

2006-04-03T22:23:00.000+08:00

I happened to stumble about this MSN site...it's called "10 People Every Woman Needs". I thought it was pretty interesting though I don't fully agree with it. It just goes to show how the world sees women in general.

1. An Ethel Mertz. This lifelong friend will be there for all your impetuous "Lucy" moments, whether you're embarking on a crazy scheme (spying on your ex, dying your hair pink) or nipping at the Vitameatavegamin.
This is definitely true. It's really great to have friends who can just listen anytime of the day. It's fun to talk about anything and everything to that person cause you know that she will definitely understand what you mean.

2. A boy friend. As in platonic male pal. While he'll never replace your girlfriends for late-night Ben & Jerry's gossip sessions, having a Ben or Jerry in your life can be just as beneficial. He'll be your plus-one at parties and the third wheel when you need a buffer. And his insight is especially helpful for all those "Y" questions, such as, "Why are men so...?" "Why did he...?" and "Why won't he...?"
Yes, indeed. Truly helpful! But some of them can be quite gossipfreaks too and that's the scary part. Another danger is that the friendship develops into something more for one party...which totally spells disaster. Although we always say that the friendship should always come before anything else, it's just difficult to walk the talk.

3. A born-to-shop pal.
As much as I'd love to agree to this...it's not good when you are broke. Shopping with friends make me lose my senses. I tend to think that it's okay to indulge more than usual since everyone else is doing the same thing anyway! Bad. Bad. Bad.

4. A money manager. A financial advisor can help you get fiscally fit, from reducing your debt to funding your kids' education.
I am proud to say that this is someone I do not need! Ok, ok, ok...before you object! Hear me out! I am a responsible person and I can manage my own money quite well...why would I need a money manager?! Plus...most of the people who offered to be my money manager are 100% corrupt. So...who needs a money manager?? I'm not a shopaholic, you know.

5. A fitness buddy.
I think it's fun to have a fitness buddy but it's not a must. Sometimes fitness buddies can actually talk you out of going to the gym...and that's definitely a no-no.

6. A gynecologist.
Err... I think this is self-explanatory.

7. A Bea Arthur. They don't call her a "Golden Girl" for nothing. Having an empowered, feisty female role model lends wonderful perspective.
Some may need it and some may not. Since women tend to overindulge in their emotions, it's good to be reminded that there is such a thing called 'enough'. I'd really like to think that women and men are equal...and hope that the world feels the same way as well.

8. A trusted hairstylist. Trusted being the key word. This is someone who comprehends the meaning of "just a trim" and can teach you how to achieve salon results at home.
Of course! Who wouldn't want one??

9. A dream lover.
Uhm...really?

10. A child. Watching a kid (yours or someone else's) at play reminds you how simple and joyful life can be.
I think this is true. You'll be surprised by how they can actually make your day a whole lot better. :)

It's The Little Things That Matter

2006-04-02T02:39:00.001+08:00

"A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away."

No Change For Now

2006-03-26T23:06:00.000+08:00

Guess what! I'm updating my blog from a blogger site that's in Chinese...and since you all can read this entry now, it means that...heh! My chinese is improving!

I just moved in to my new temporary place and so far everything has been good. They are a really nice family and I enjoy their company as well. =) I get to be the big sister...something I've never experienced yet. But then, of course...Not being with Joanne Chong is so different! It has been a GREAT two weeks being with her...she's like the sister that I left back home. If ever I needed to talk to anyone about anything, I'd just pop into her room and talk. Jo, I'll miss our cab conversations- they're the best! Yes, all the things we do together are definitely going to be missed but most of all, I'll miss you! :(

Everything seems to be falling into place. This is the point in my life where I can say that I am really enjoying- worry free more or less and certain about the more important things. I haven't felt this way in a long time...although the situation may be a bit strange, I'm trying to feel comfortable in it. But of course, we all know that change is the only constant thing...this state won't last very long. But at least, I got the chance to finally recall what it's like. :)

Goodbye

2006-03-20T02:37:00.001+08:00

It's all over. No more waking up in the morning wishing I didn't wake up at all. No more wondering why. It's all in the past. Buried, healed...but never forgotten. Have I fully let go? Probably not. But that's because a part of me will always treasure the memories. Goodbye to the person I once knew. Maybe you never really existed at all.

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie....Oi Oi Oi!

2006-02-27T19:50:00.000+08:00

I'm currently in Sydney, Australia...and I'm loving it! I like the not so city but city kind of environment. It's so different from the places I've lived in and the places I've been :) Guess it gets a place in my Top 5 Countries I'd want to live in.

Anyway, we're just wrapping up our 3 week long vacation...more or less done with packing and yes, I've managed to fit all my stuff into my luggage (though I had to sit on it again)! Done with all the sightseeing...done with picture taking (I used up all the memory in my 256 and 512mb disks)! Shopping? Well, that's something we can never get enough of really.

This trip has been great I must say...lots of ups and downs but overall, I'm glad I had the chance to go through it! Thanks to my parents for "spoiling us" (quoted from the hotel manager of our ship who happens to be my gym buddy as well) and allowing us to step into the Diamond Princess! :)

I'll let you in on a secret...I've always dreamed of being a performer/entertainer. You might ask what kind since there are different types of performers- singers, actors, jugglers, comedians, instrumentalists, etc. Being on this ship just made me relive a childhood dream I've always had...which is to become a dancer. :) Watching the shows every night made me want to change my career path! But I guess it's too late...at this age, I can't even do a split. But yeah...if only I could rewind time, I would have done things differently.

***pauses for a while***

Done laughing? Anyway, tomorrow, we're going for a last minute trip to the zoo! Yup, saying hi and goodbye to the koalas, kangaroos and kiwis before I go back to Manila, open my email and greet my A-level results...Pray for me? Not just for A-level results...but for the courage to face the animals in the zoo.

I'm OK

2006-02-12T15:25:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone, it's now 8:27PM in New Zealand but my body clock is still at 3:27PM. Just flew in from Hong Kong this morning.

It's been 5 whole days since I left my handphone at home and it feels really weird without it. My dad said that not having a handphone is actually liberating--but in all honesty, I don't think so. It feels really weird not to stay connected. Specially since for the past few days I couldn't really use the internet like I used to. I found out that I had to pay HK$50 for 15 minutes! That's really such a rip off! But it didn't matter anyway since when I go back to the hotel, the business centre's already closed. And now with the time difference, I'd have to wake up at 5AM to be able to catch the people I usually talk to. It seems that I've just been too dependent on handphones and the internet that it's just so hard not to live without them. Wonder how it felt like to live in the stone age. Hmm..But anyway, thanks to the business centre here in our New Zealand hotel! Net free and there's no time limit!

So what have I been doing the past few days in Hong Kong? Aside from eating really good but greasy dimsum and soy chicken, we usually walk all day. At first I thought that shopping won't be that great since most of the stores would still be selling the winter collection. True for most but since there are multiple great shopping places in Hong Kong, it's not hard to find clothes for the not so cold weather. There were lots of stuff on sale! Oh, and do you know the waffle that's shaped like small balls? The ones that you can only find on the sidewalk? I love that! :)

Anyway, I'm getting really tired and a bit jet lagged. Getting on board the Diamond Princess tomorrow...pray that it'll be safe?

"In a perfect world, there would be no pain...there would be no death of innocence, there would be no guilt and no shame. "

Oh, in case you were wondering, I didn't go visit Mickey Mouse. I decided to go shopping instead.

Goodbye For Now

2006-02-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

Ok, interesting, that long long long entry got deleted by some unknown power. Anyway, I'm going away for 3 weeks...I'll update when I get back! Bye!

Living on the Edge

2006-01-19T22:21:00.000+08:00

Obviously I haven't been blogging for the past few weeks. That's because I've been really really bored here. Ok, I am having fun...spending time with family and friends...going out and all...but I think there's bound to be something I should be doing! I was supposed to start working but we're going for a pretty long family vacation in February so it would be kinda useless to start now.

I have to admit, I like the feeling of not having to worry about tutorials- not having to wake up to a table with loads to study. I like being around people- not going home to an empty home. But I think I've reached the point where I need to get back my space again. I guess I just need time to think. I've just been surrounded with too much opinions. I know it's good to get advice from people who've gone through what I am going through...but sometimes, I think I need to take a huge step back and think about what I really want for myself.

Basically, all I'm saying is that all this extra free time? It's really driving me nuts. I thought I'd enjoy 8 full months of not doing anything. But, NO. I can't stand it anymore. I hate living a life of uncertainty. I don't like it. It's been making me think of things I don't even have control over. To sum it all up, I don't like being idle and I don't like not having control. Sorry to those I've snapped at the past few days...there's just been a lot of things on my mind. Soon enough, I'll be ok.

Music Fortune Teller

2006-01-07T00:11:00.000+08:00

So here's what I did: I set my iTunes to shuffle mode...and asked the following questions...Here's what Joshua thinks.

What do you think of me, iTunes?
Tell Me How You Feel, Joy Enriquez - All I wanna say is that I want you in my life...Baby I want you but I don't know what to say.
Looks like I have my darling. Haha.

Will I have a happy life?
The Dream Within, Lara Fabian - Free, the dream within...We tremble and spin, suspended within, look beyond where hearts can see. Dream in peace, trust the belief.

What do my friends really think of me?
It Might Be You, Stephen Bishop - Something's telling me it might be you...yes it's telling me it might be you...all of my life.
Err...really? I certainly hope not.

What should I do with my life?
Time of Our Lives, Paul Van Dyke - There's a time for us to let go...there's a time for holding on.
Hmmm...

Why must life be so full of pain?
Just Kidding, The Idea of North - You wanna hit me a little where it hurts...It's a game we play.
Wanna know my opinion? It's not a fun game at all.

Will I die happy?
I Want You To Know, Chantal Kreviazuk
Hmm...doesn't really make sense to me.

Can you give me some advice?
Foolish Games, Jewel
Haha...this one made me laugh! Are you asking me to play foolish games?

What is happiness?
American Woman, Lenny Kravitz - American woman, stay away from me!
LOL. Is Joshua gay or what!

Ok it's getting cheesy...enough!

Backaches and Burnt Popcorn

2006-01-04T22:34:00.000+08:00

Been some time since I last blogged. Been up to a lot of New Year celebrations and stuff so I didn't have much time. Anyway, Happy New Year everyone! Hope it was a great 2005 for you! For me? Well, it was memorable. Looking forward to a new and improved 2006!

Went to Tagaytay with my cousins on the last day of 2005. Had a great time! For those who are not familiar with the place, basically it's just a 2 hour drive from Manila. Lots of restaurants up there...not really the modern kind but more rural and culture-ish. Lots of greenery and not much civilization compared to Manila of course but it's good place to relax and have fun. :) If you wanna see the pictures we took, check out ginarella.multiply.com :)

Since we all gain a little bit during the holidays, I decided to take up a sport. My chosen sport is.....boxing! Yes, boxing! It's really fun! There's this thing called the rapid fire where you just gotta box nonstop for like 2 minutes....whoah. Tiring but the feeling of having exercised and having burned all that chocolate cake is great! Well, don't ask what happened the next day. Let's just say, I was half bedridden.

One thing I miss most from Singapore? Popcorn! Everytime I watch a movie, I have to buy popcorn! I remember asking the guy to give me half of each flavor. Well, guess what! There is actually a flavor that's both sweet and salty in one. It's called, kettlecorn. So, my HUGE box from Singapore came back and I got back my stash of DVDs and we all decided we should watch something. What is a movie without a popcorn anyway? So we decided to pop some kettlecorn. After 3 minutes of heating it in the microwave, the whole kitchen smelled awful. Yes, burnt popcorn. Sigh. Guess I've got to fly back to Singapore to get back my popcorn! Movies, anyone?

Random Thoughts Once Again

2005-12-26T01:05:00.000+08:00

Christmas...a season of love, isn't it? But why is it that when I look around, I see images of hatred, deception and sadness. Behind that smile is actually a heart that cries. Yes...the celebration continues. But inside, there's just this nagging feeling of discontentment and melancholy. Guess it is the time of the year where we can actually reflect on what has happened in the year that's just about to end. No work, no school...just time with your friends, family and of course, time with yourself.

People have come to me and shared their recent experiences, those which I am not exactly unfamiliar with. It kind of transported me back to the time when I myself was experiencing it. Surprisingly, the pain is still familiar. It wasn't like before when I used to just forget about the pain to the point that it seemed like I didn't even have to go through it at all. I guess this time around, it scarred me too deeply I can't seem to forget it.

Actually, it's kind of surreal still. Like it happened in a different universe with people who I don't even know anymore. Kind of like I thought I knew who they were but actually, they were just mere ideas of what the person is like. They didn't actually exist and thus, deeming the friendship a lie and the person a figment of my imagination. Funny how we can conjure things up to hurt ourselves in return.

Yes, fooling your own self sounds pathetic. But I guess there is still something sadder than that...fooling yourself and not realizing you're doing it.

Indeed

2005-12-25T10:12:00.000+08:00

The brooding ghosts of Australian night have gone from the bush and town;
My spirit revives in the morning breeze,
though it died when the sun went down;
The river is high and the stream is strong,
and the grass is green and tall,
And I fain would think that this world of ours is a good world after all.

The light of passion in dreamy eyes, and a page of truth well read,
The glorious thrill in a heart grown cold of the spirit I thought was dead,
A song that goes to a comrade's heart, and a tear of pride let fall --
And my soul is strong! and the world to me is a grand world after all!

Let our enemies go by their old dull tracks,
and theirs be the fault or shame
(The man is bitter against the world who has only himself to blame);
Let the darkest side of the past be dark, and only the good recall;
For I must believe that the world, my dear, is a kind world after all.

It well may be that I saw too plain, and it may be I was blind;
But I'll keep my face to the dawning light,
though the devil may stand behind!
Though the devil may stand behind my back, I'll not see his shadow fall,
But read the signs in the morning stars of a good world after all.

Rest, for your eyes are weary, girl -- you have driven the worst away --
The ghost of the man that I might have been is gone from my heart to-day;
We'll live for life and the best it brings till our twilight shadows fall;
My heart grows brave, and the world, my girl, is a good world after all.

Christmas...So Far

2005-12-24T01:20:00.000+08:00

So far, I've attended 6 parties in 8 days. Talk about the calories, man. One thing all parties have: lechon (roasted pig). It's really good but on the 3rd party, I stopped eating it. Each day, there's a different dessert that I'd want to try. I just can't resist sweets! Oh well, what to do. Still more parties to come. I guess what I like about these parties is actually the road trip home. There's this strip of road in Greenhills called Gilmore. When you pass by, all you will see is this:

As in both sides of the street. Just lights. It's just wonderful. :) (Yes, my photo is not very clear but you get the idea right? Sorry I was just taking it from inside the car)

Anyway, every night is a night with my relatives...which equates to a bunch of hustlers. One room, parents playing mahjong. Another room, their kids playing cards. Ok, don't get scared...we're just doing it for fun...no big money involved. Just loads of fun. Wish I could invite more people to come and see what Christmas here is like... :) Hopefully, next time.

TO MY BESTFRIEND: Know that I love you so much.. :) I promise you that there is still a reason to rejoice this season... :) hug!

What a Day!

2005-12-20T00:15:00.000+08:00

I'm about to collapse soon but I really gotta blog today cause I thought that today was quite fun. :)

To start off, I went to this mall in the morning. You see, if I'm sleepy, I become an impulse buyer. So I walked into Adidas and saw this nice white jacket with red stripes. Haha I tried it on and quickly bought it. I mean, it's not that I need a jacket...it's not that I don't have a jacket...but I just had to buy it. I'm starting to think that maybe I am a shoppaholic and I need some rehabilitation. Well come to think of it, I didn't regret getting it so I guess it's not such a bad case of impulse buying.

After that, I went for my second driving lessons. I was taught how to drive in uphills and downhills. I was also taught how to do a U-turn, 2-point turn, 3-point turn, park (the normal way), get out of the parking space, and of course parallel park. I passed everything according to his evaluation...but he had one comment...I had to learn how to drive more safely...I think he meant I was too aggressive. What?! Ok fine...I admit I was a bit impatient. But hey, I'm still alive and the car didn't have a single mark on it.

Anyway, after that, I went for our annual office party. It was hilarious! It was the usual party- games, food, performances, speeches, lucky draw...but the games were hilarious. The first one was...I dunno what it was called...but basically, a couple from each division of the office would come up on stage. Each couple will be given a set of stickers and they are supposed to stick it on the part of the body that starts with P or T (guy sticks on girl and girl sticks on guy). At the end of 15 seconds, the pair with the most stickers stuck on the various body parts will win. So the usual...people stuck it on the palm, thighs, puwit (which is butt in Tagalog), toes, etc. What amazed me was this pair who was really creative! One part they mentioned was the private part. Whoa.

So we had dinner and all...dinner wasn't fantastic but it was followed by another silly game. The game was evolved from musical chairs. But this one doesnt involve chairs. Basically, the men will form a circle facing outwards. They all have plastic bottles in between their thighs. The ladies will have to dance around the guys in a circle and when the music stops, they've got to grab the bottle. The person who doesn't have a bottle to grab will be thrown out of the game. So the number of people reduces until there is only one guy left with two girls going for the bottle. Haha...it was just hilarious! You should've seen the last guy's face. He was so scared I think he broke into cold sweat!

And yes, I mentioned that dinner wasn't fantastic. We didn't even have dessert. So I had to run to the neighboring restaurant to buy dessert. While waiting for my dessert to come, I had to go to the toilet (they only had one cubicle by the way, so both guys and girls use the same one). It was locked. Suddenly, this hot Filipino superstar came out topless. I'm not kidding! I said he was hot cause everyone thinks he's hot but I don't really think so. Anyway, he is Piolo Pascual... this commercial model/TV host/actor who's supposed to really rock your socks off but err..nah. Apparently he's got some event at the same area that night and he's using my dessert restaurant as his changing room. I gotta admit he's quite nice though. Not at all the I'm-so-hot-so-get-out-of-my-way. He was very apologetic when we saw me. Oh and did I mention he was quite...dense? He locked the toilet door on his way out. Bah.

This was followed by the part where each division of the office will come up with a certain presentation to entertain us. My parents were supposed to be judges but they passed the authority to me. Hihihi. It was a good show though. Since the theme of the party was 70's, a lot of them brought back the "in" thing during that time...We had people imitating Michael Jackson's big hair and also John Travolta's dance moves. We had a good laugh! But I would say, my favorite performance was my brother's. For the first time, he sang! I thought he was really cute. Oh, I forgot to mention, he played the guitar too.

I guess what really made my day was my SAT score! I mean...it's not all that fantastic but it's higher than I expected. :) Guess now, I have no excuse not to apply to the States...

Ok, gotta crash now...more driving tomorrow!

My First Day on the Road

2005-12-17T20:11:00.000+08:00

I'm home alone with my nephew Nico- teaching him how to sharpen a pencil and write his name. He's really sweet! After I sharpened his pencils, he said: "Thanks A-Ee!" and then he kept on kissing me. I felt so happy to have him (and to think he's not even my real son)! Anyway, I'm supposed to be taking care of him but while he's busy sticking sponge bob stickers everywhere, I shall just blog.

Today was my first time to drive out in the streets. I guess it's just now that I fully understand what they meant by: If you know how to drive in Manila, you can drive anywhere! Let me just describe to you how it is to drive in Manila streets. My instructor asked me to drive in the middle lane after I turn left and so I went to the position that seemed like the middle lane to me. When I looked down on the road, I realized that there was a white painted line (which meant that I was actually travelling in between lanes) so I was like: "Am I in the wrong lane???" And my instructor goes: "Don't worry, those lines are fake!" Ok...nevermind. After that, my instructor brought me to a place without traffic lights- this means that I had to be super alert. Suddenly, a tricycle counterflows! My initial reaction was to move away from the tricycle but of course I can't cause there's a car parked on the road side and if I move away from the tricycle, I'll bump into the parked car. So my instructor told me: "There are two things you have to be aware of- moving and non-moving objects. If it's not moving, you've got to move away from it. If it's moving, don't bother to look after it because it will look after itself." Well, so much for defensive driving! I think it's a bit impossible to do that here. So we approached an intersection. The trick is to move inch by inch until the other cars can't move anymore and you leave them no choice but to let you pass. It's really scary cause out of nowhere, you'll just see a jeepney or a bus drive towards you. After that I had to turn right (yup, still no traffic light), suddenly there are kids playing basketball on the road! After honking on them like 10 times, they still didn't move! My instructor told me to just go and they'll move away. I've got the car, they definitely have to move away! I was scared at first but yeah I just went ahead and yeah, they moved. Silly boys. At the end of the day, I learned that you just gotta whack! More lessons to come next week!

Ok, Nico is fighting for the computer now. I gotta go before he clicks this whole entry away!

P.S. Wanna join me for a ride? :p

Forgiveness

2005-12-16T23:41:00.000+08:00

"Forgiveness is almost a selfish act because of its immense benefits to the one who forgives." -Lawana Blackwell-

I was discussing this topic with a friend and it was a huge realization for me. I don't know about you but I've always thought that forgiveness is something that other people would have to earn. I thought that if I forgave someone because of something he did, he should be really happy that I actually forgave him. But actually, that's not the way it works. Forgiveness is not for the other person...it's actually for myself.

Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. If we wait for the urge to forgive, it will never come. We have to choose to forgive and the feelings will follow later on. Why do we have to choose to forgive? Cause if we don't, we will be taken over by bitterness...and this will hinder us from seeing the bigger picture.

It doesn't matter how difficult it may seem...it doesn't matter how long it takes. All we've got to do is to choose to forgive no matter how painful it is. After all, we're not doing it for anybody else except ourselves.

Where Is My Room?

2005-12-16T23:19:00.000+08:00

Just got home...I'm really exhausted. Well just a bit of update: my hair is now shorter, a lot shorter and I've got red highlights...which aren't really very visible unless I'm under the sun. I decided against the curls cause my hairdresser (Victor) says that I'll look like a Japanese. Fine. Drop the idea then. Next update: My internet is SO screwed up. Since this house is made of cement, the signal just can't go through. Guess wireless technology isn't such a great idea. I've got to wait for the guy to come and poke a hole through my ceiling so that I can get a wired internet connection. More update: I am starting my first driving lesson tomorrow! It's gonna last two hours long. Wow. Hope the instructor has a lot of patience!

I realized that I kind of feel lost in this house. I sleep in my room but I don't get the privacy that I used to have. My sister (Karen), her new baby and the baby's nanny sleeps there with me. Basically, I am only in my room when I need to sleep. Since Nyles has a lot of stuff: bottle warmer, tub, bottles, thermos, etc...I can't use my bathroom. So, I have to travel to the next room (Karen's real room) to use her toilet. Her room has been converted into a store room ever since she moved to Canada and so it's not really "livable". Anyway, my desk is also filled with baby stuff so I can't even use my computer in my own room. So, my computer is also in Karen's room. I thought I'd get some privacy there...but no. My yaya sleeps there (Yaya is my nanny who's been with us for 35 years...). So, for my quiet time, I have to march down to our living room for it. Anyway, that's the way it'll be for now. I miss my own room!

Home

2005-12-12T22:52:00.000+08:00

Woah. It's been a while since I last updated...been really busy back home- well, more of busy catching up with friends and family. Let's see...what have I been up to? Mostly helping my mom...shop. That's why this is my most favourite time of the year...I can really be helpful by shopping for my mom! You see, she's got tons and tons of godchildren and friends and stuff...so I'm her personal shopper. The best job ever.

Apart from that...I've done a couple of chores too. I've gotten our 12 year old piano tuned, applied for student driver's license (hey, it's quite tough...gotta apply for some TIN thingy) and taken care of my nephews! I've also managed to get myself piano lessons...since I haven't touched a piano for more than four years now...and I really wanna learn again. I might get guitar lessons too. I'm trying to drag myself to the gym but I'm just being really lazy... though I know I need it. This year, we're having loads of Christmas parties...18th, 19th, 20th, 22nd, 24th and 31st. Whoa. Talk about getting fat! (Christmas is coming....the girls are getting fat.)

But despite the bright Christmas lights everywhere, the busy schedule I have to follow...I still miss Singapore. I really do think about it a lot...my friends...and a lot of other more serious stuff which I'll probably blog about soon. I'm really in no mood to feel sentimental.

Anyway, I'm going to the parlor tomorrow...thinking of either cutting my hair or getting curls...hmmm...suggestions anyone?

Nostalgia

2005-12-05T00:53:00.000+08:00

Whew! I never really thought that post-exam period would be as stressful as exam period...except this one is a different kind of stress. Kind of like fun stress- you know, shopping every single day trying to look for prom dress and the perfect Christmas present for everyone...making sure it's not too expensive and yet useful and meaningful...

I guess in a way, keeping myself busy is good (apart from me getting sick cause I've been going out too much and not really getting much sleep)- then I don't really have to think about the fact that I'm going back home for almost 5 months and that things will just be so different when I come back here. Jo will be in Melbourne...Albert may or may not be here anymore...Lianglin and Ernest will be in the army... It's really ironic... I never thought I'd ever say this, but here it goes: I will miss Singapore very very much.

But even though I may have been really busy...thoughts about leaving this place can't completely escape my thoughts. Somehow, it just manages to creep into my mind. As much as I want to avoid thinking about it, I just can't. I guess the idea of not knowing what's up next for me scares me quite a bit. It's not so much about not knowing which university I'll be going to...but more of leaving the people I really care for and not knowing when I'll see them again...I will definitely see them individually...but it won't really be the same anymore. Like just now, a few of us were preparing for a BBQ we're having tomorrow...and I just found myself looking at them from one corner and wondering when we all can spend time together again...as a group of people who became close because of a common passion. Just thinking about all the great times we've spent together...Wow. I can't even find the right words to express how much they mean to me.

I guess I'm just really tired of change. I'm not really a person who trusts and it just sucks when you find a group of people whom you can trust but then suddenly, things just have to change. Same thing happened when I left for Singapore...and now, it's happening all over again. Although I am looking forward to spending good time with my family and friends back home, I'm having mixed feelings about it cause I'll be leaving my family here. Oh well, guess life is just like that- nothing is constant.

A Different Perspective

2005-11-20T23:41:00.000+08:00

Have you ever seen yourself in someone else? As in maybe a situation, or a trait of that person that totally reminds you of yourself? Well, lately I think I've been seeing a lot of that in my friend's friend. I haven't really met her yet but from the way my friend talks about her...It's just so me. I don't know if it's a common characteristic among ladies or it's just me. But I don't like what I see.

Maybe it's just the situation that made me feel that way. It doesn't mean that she's completely a bad person...but maybe it's because I'm seeing my friend suffer...I'm seeing him hurt...that's why I hate it and in the process I begin to question why I'm kind of like that too.

I concede. It's a known fact that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But as I try to explain to my friend my side of the story...or why I think that his friend is acting in that manner, I realize that we are complicated. And I guess mostly it's because most women are very emotional. Since emotions can be influenced by so many factors, it becomes so complicated. So I guess that sometimes, we just can't help it. Not that I'm succumbing to nature...guess if we really wanted to change...we can.

Welcome to the Family

2005-11-15T19:11:00.000+08:00

NYLES KEVIN was born today at around 0230. Seven pounds and eleven ounces, he's a strong, chubby little boy who's very lucky to have me as his aunt. Heh. Just kidding. Just imagining what it would be like with four little boys running around our house now. Yipes! Really can't wait to meet him. Tomorrow, I'm going to go get something for him...any suggestions?

Just Slackin'

2005-11-13T22:31:00.000+08:00

Five papers down, seven more to go. Somehow, I'm losing the urgency to study. Oh well, maybe it's because it's an afternoon paper tomorrow. Anyway, I'm kinda worried. I've been having trouble breathing these past few weeks...and I really don't know why. Hope it's nothing serious. Ok, I seriously need to get back to studying. I'll update as soon as I'm semi-free. :)

Invictus

2005-11-11T17:27:00.000+08:00

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley-

Finding an Excuse Not to Study

2005-11-08T23:36:00.000+08:00

Ok, I really really don't have the brains to study now...I think I lost it all during math today. It was good, but exhausting. Haha...But then, I don't really feel like sleeping yet because I'll feel so unproductive...So here's my excuse:

10 YEARS AGO I...
-went on an Eastern Mediterranean Cruise.
-was super scrawny.
-loved dancing so much.
-experienced the greatest tragedy in my life.
-was fond of our cat named Clovia and our dog named Mitsu.

5 YEARS AGO I...
-was part of a musical called "True Love Waits".
-was a part of Echoettes Young Voices.
-went on a Western Mediterranean Cruise and had a crush on one of the performers.
-was studying so hard to get my scholarship.
-was so sad because the sister closest to me got married.

1 YEAR AGO I...
-moved out of boarding school.
-experienced a snowy Christmas.
-had my heart broken for the first time.
-realized that singing is something I could do the rest of my life.
-felt like a princess thrown out of my castle.

YESTERDAY I...
-was excited that my exams are starting!
-studied in school the whole day.
-spent my day with numbers.
-learned how to play the first part of "I'd Give My Life for You".
-took a bus to Holland Village.

5 SNACKS I ENJOY...
-bread with butter and sugar.
-chocolates.
-waffle with ice cream.
-cereals.
-hmm...sun chips!

5 SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS...
-All the songs from Miss Saigon!
-Angel in Disguise by Corrinne May
-Err...do christmas carols and choir songs count? (except gaelic blessing...i keep forgetting)
-Love Moves (in Mysterious Ways) by MYMP
-Tattooed on my Mind by D' Sound

5 THINGS I WOULD DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS...
-buy a beach house.
-pay back my parents for all my nonesense.
-hmm...buy my ipod video! haha :)
-donate some to charity. :)
-can't think of anything more...maybe i'll save it!

5 PLACES I WOULD RUN AWAY TO...
-Sentosa Beach (yes I'd do that...)
-New York
-I'd want to go to the Colliseum again..
-Canada
-Santorini, Greece

5 THINGS I WOULD NEVER WEAR...
-anything with leather
-anything with fur
-anything velvet
-leggings
-hmmm what else??

5 FAVOURITE TV SHOWS...
-Alias
-Everwood
-Grey's Anatomy
-Desperate Housewives
-One Tree Hill

5 BAD HABITS...
-procrastinating
-pulling my hair
-not doing my laundry
-snoozing my alarm clock
-not finishing my food

5 BIGGEST JOYS...
-being with my nephews
-shopping
-singing...singing...singing....
-travelling
-oh have i mentioned shopping?

5 FICTIONAL CHARACTERS I WOULD DATE...
-Michael Vaughn...if he were still alive!
-I'm really loyal so I only have him on my list... :)

Ok, back to studying!

My Little Darling

2005-11-04T21:46:00.000+08:00

Daven turned 5 today. Gosh I can't believe how fast time flies...I remember how I used to feed him when he was just a few months old and now he's asking me to buy him Hot Wheels! Oh well, I really miss my little darling.. :) Counting the days 'til I go back home...

I'm Only Human

2005-11-02T00:21:00.000+08:00

It's been a really long time since I've spent time with the people closest to me- my family, my friends, my cousins...and it just scares me how I've changed and how much they don't know me anymore. Most of the time, I find myself frustrated with their reactions. Well, I've changed. It's not that I wanted to, it's just the way it is.

People often think of me as the person I was four years ago. I wouldn't blame them...those images were the last of me they'd ever seen. Of course they'll expect to see those right? But what they don't know are the things experiences I've gone through while I've been away. How these things have shaped who I am now and how these challenges have changed my perspective on life. I've talked to them about my day to day experiences but it's not that simple to understand.

Sometimes I ask myself, have I really changed for the better? Honestly, I don't know. All I know is that, I'm different in the sense that now, I feel more. No more I'm-the-king-of-the-world illusions. I'm only human. I make mistakes and I'm not as strong as you think I am. Now that I'm in this stage of my life when I really need your support, please don't shun me away and tell me that I can do it like I've done before. It kills me even more that you expect me to be who I was before when right now, I'm really struggling. Please hear me out.

A Sad Story...

2005-10-31T23:10:00.000+08:00

It all started when I was 16 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat him up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence.

That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together. I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school.

One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a "friend" kinda thing that I was feeling. All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently.

On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him. That night after everybody went home, I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him.

I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt.

All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him. After graduation he got a job in New York; I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart.

One day I got a letter with an invitation to a wedding. It was from him; I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends.I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. It was a big church wedding with the reception at a hotel. I met the bride and of course I talked to him too. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me. I left New York feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me. I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York. I had to go on with my life.

As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written six letters to him.Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "Meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things". I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was brokenhearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore. Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been doing and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him.

In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together.

One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport, and that it took this long till everything was settled.

It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was brokenhearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. I asked questions: "Why did this happen to a kind guy like him?"I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will. Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding.

When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a dairy that of his life. I cried as it was given to me. I didn't know what to think. Why was this given to me? I took it and flew back to California.As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written. The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me.

Finally, the diary ended when it said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

Daddy's Girl

2005-10-25T20:46:00.000+08:00

So I just got off the phone with my dad. Now I'm feeling guilty again. Well to begin with, I wasn't exactly having a great day, I woke up today with a HUGE headache and I just couldn't get anything much done. Then my dad calls and asked me how I was. My usual reply, "I'm ok". Then he said, "Don't be so stressed ok? I think you should just go back home for university because we get so worried about you when you're far away. And we miss you loads." But of course to me, it just sounded like: Go to Ateneo or La Salle! Goodbye choir! Dreaming of going overseas? Don't even think about it! If that's the case, why am I even working so hard for the A's?

I got defensive and very uncalmly I said, "NO WAY! I've been here for four long years already, what's the point of going back?? If that's what you really wanted for me, you should have told me that two years ago so I didn't have to go through all these!"

"Well, we didn't miss you very much two years ago."

"That's not the point! There is NO WAY I'm going back home after everything I've been through!"

Of course, immediately after screaming at him, I thought to myself: NO NO NO NO NO...you did it again. You are such a disrespectful little brat!

So my dad didn't say anything about it and just asked how my day was...So I told him about my headache and my studying and all...and he told me to just count the days before I could go back...which is what I usually did. He asked me to think about the places I wanna go to during my break and we'll go where I want to go.

After that conversation, I really felt so bad because after thinking it through again, I realized that he only said what he said because 1: He was worried about me. 2: He misses me. And I realized how selfish I was the whole time. But then, when do you draw the line between selfishness and knowing what you really deserve? I mean, I want a better education...don't I deserve that? But then, staying overseas would mean that I'll be away and they'll have to keep working so I can get the life I want...isn't that being selfish?

The more I think about it, the more I realize how much I miss my dad...I know it's not really related to the whole selfish point but it made me think a lot about what we used to do when I was still back home... I miss the times when he'd wake me up every Sunday morning to go get breakfast together. I still remember how we'd go to those little photo taking booths afterwards and just take silly shots. I miss the times when we used to swim together-pool or bathtub- and he'd carry me to the deep end of the pool cause I was so scared. I miss the times he took me shopping...he'd just sit on one corner and point at the pretty little dresses for me to try on. I miss the times we went to New York together and watched countless broadway shows. I miss the times we sang together in the karaoke, the times I'd sit beside him watching tv and pinch his nose...and how he loved to tickle me.

But it's different now...as selfish as it may sound, I guess there are things that I need to do for myself as well. It's not that I don't wanna be with him. I really do and the time will come when I will. Just...not now. This doesn't mean I've changed. This doesn't mean that I love him any less. In fact, I'm missing him more and more.

Just a Random Thought

2005-10-20T16:25:00.000+08:00

I can't forget the one and only time I lost something. It was in Hong Kong. I fine day, I wanted to go to Daimaru to get those artsy stuff...kind of like squeezing this colored paint into a mold and they'll bake it for you to turn it into some form of glass art. But on the way, I realized that I had lost the money that my parents gave me for it. And ever since then, I've learned my lesson. I made it a point to take care of everything I had--to the point that when I'm taking a nap in the car or in the bus, I'd suddenly wake up feeling my pockets, making sure I had still had my wallet or phone.

But as I grew up, I realized that things change. Sometimes, the more you hold on to things, the more you lose them. Somehow, we just have this innate desire to obtain something that's not actually for us. I don't really know how to explain it but sometimes, at the back of my mind, I know it's not for me...but then, I'd still do everything I can for it...in hopes that maybe, I could derserve it too. Only to find that I'll still lose it eventually. And the more I chase after it...the more determined I am to obtain it, the harder it is to let go. Why can't I just settle for something I have or something that's been there for me all along... and learn to love it? Because when you realize that it's actually what you really needed...it's such an undesirable feeling to find that it's not there anymore.

So how does one let go? It's a question I've asked myself a million times. And yes, I'm still searching for answers.

I want it, and i want it now!

2005-10-17T16:58:00.000+08:00

It's the all-new iPod! It's here and I want it now!!! It's slick, it's stylish, it's cool and it plays videos! More incentive to take the bus rather than a cab and I mean it! Who wants to buy my old iPod? Songs included! =p

Oh well, I'll be a good kid and buy it at the end of the year...after all that mugging, I do deserve it right? If not, I wonder if Santa would wanna give it to me this Christmas! All you people, keep me away from the Apple store or else...I might starve myself 'til the end of the year!

Anyway, I'm kinda sick right now...been tasting blood all morning, something's wrong with my throat. Back to studying!

And So It Goes

2005-10-13T13:16:00.000+08:00

So...it's finally over. Early mornings, running to the bus stop, running to the backstage for morning ensemble, trying to get rid of my croaky morning voice, seeing classmates snooze through assembly, dragging our butts to F2.11, counting minutes 'til the end of the period, trying to find a bird poopless table during recesses, rushing through tutorials during breaks...the list goes on. Seemed like such a drab but in reality, I'm starting to miss it.

What is it with goodbyes that make them so hard to do? It's not like we won't see each other anymore...but maybe, it's the change. Think about this, staying exactly where you are for as long as possible, standing perfectly still. It feels better somehow, doesn't it? And even if you're suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Specially in an environment like AC, who would want to go the untraveled road?

But sadly, goodbyes are inevitable. And when the time comes for it, I often wonder, was it worth it? Did I make a difference in the lives of others just as they had in mine? And for that, I'd like to thank a bunch of crazy people, who've made my life in AC, a really fantastic one.

To SB1 2005: Waimay, Pei Xian, Daphne, Siran, Neha, Clara, Rachael, Lance, Leonard, Lionel, Jia Ming, Daniel, Zhiheng, Leow, Ben, Tawseef, Wei Jun, U-Jin, Eugene, Zou Li, Zhen Keng, and Eric. Thanks all for the great times we've had. Love you guys!

To the CHOIR PEOPLE: Honestly, I can't really say much...choir has been such a big part of my life that I can't even begin to describe how much I'm going to miss every single bit of it! Yeah I know we talked about this during our farewell but...some things I just can't get over!

To the TEACHERS: Thanks so much for being soooo patient with our class and tolerating my talkativeness! We owe it all to you!

Well, since school is over...I kind of did something to my uniform...well, not exactly me but..heh. Here it is!

Oops...Don't worry, I've got 5 more somewhere in my closet!

After 20 Years of Being Human...

2005-10-11T17:21:00.000+08:00

Got this off my friend's site...Thought it was kinda interesting. Some of them made me think about what it was like to be a kid again. Check it out. :)

smoked a cigar(ette) - NOPE
madeout with a member of the same sex - Eww. Of Course Not.
crashed a friend's car - Thanks God, No!
stolen a car - I'm a good girl.
been in love - Sadly, yes.
shoplifted - I pay!
been fired - Haven't really started working.
been in a fist fight - When I was young, yes.
snuck out of my parent's house - Nope!
had feelings for someone who didn't have them back - Nope if crushes don't count!
been arrested - Nope.
made out with a stranger - Yikes. No.
gone on a blind date - No.
lied to a friend - Guess everyone has done this.
had a crush on a teacher - Hmm...no.
been to Europe - Yeah! It's a great place!
skipped school - What if I was "sick"? Like really.
slept with a co-worker - I don't work!
seen someone die - Nope. I can't even bear the thought.
had a crush on one of your LJ friends - No. This is so high school-ish!
been to Canada - Yep! And I love it there!
been to Mexico - Nope!
been on a plane - Yep...more than my toes can count. That's the price for being a foreign student.
thrown up in a bar - Nope! I don't like bars.
purposely set a part of myself on fire - Haha I'm not crazy!
eaten Sushi - One of my favorite foods.
been snowboarding - Nope! Skiing? Yep.
met someone in person from LJ - Nope. Haha I've gone past that EB trend.
been moshing at a concert - No way! I don't like the thought of exchanging sweat droplets. Yuck!
been in an abusive relationship - No!
taken painkillers - Yes, especially now that my head hurts all the time.
love someone or miss someone right now - Of course...I'm far away from a lot of people...sad.
laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by - Yes...
made a snow angel - Nope!
had a tea party - Yes, with my Barbie dolls when I was 7.
flown a kite - Yeah but I think it landed on a puddle so no more kite flying.
built a sand castle - No...I don't like the sun that the sand comes with.
gone puddle jumping - Nope!
played dress up - Yes! As early as 3 years old...I was such a vain kid.
jumped into a pile of leaves - Not a pile...I like the sound of crunchy leaves when you step on them.
gone sledding - Nope!
cheated while playing a game - Yes! Haha...you've gotta play dirty when you're playing with my brothers!
been lonely - Who hasn't?
fallen asleep at work/school - Oh man...I'm guilty of this.
used a fake id - Nope! I'm old enough. Hah!
watched the sunset - Not really...But I'd love to...one day.
felt an earthquake - Yes! And I thought it was my brother making fun of me...
touched a snake - Yup...I even had a picture with it!
slept beneath the stars - Not exactly...
been tickled - A million times.
been robbed - Nope!
been misunderstood - Yeah...
petted a reindeer/goat - Nope, not yet. And I don't intend to.
won a contest - Yes.
run a red light - Nope.
been suspended from school - No.
been in a car accident - Yes.
had braces - Oh yes. Back in the days when metalmouths were cool.
felt like an outcast - Hey yaaaa, hey ya. Well, Yah.
eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night - No, I've never been that depressed.
had deja vu - Yes and it's kinda creepy.
danced in the moonlight - Nooo.
hated the way you look - Yes! A lot of times...
witnessed a crime - Uhh yeah. And it still haunts me...10 years after.
pole danced - No...
questioned your heart - Yup.
been obsessed with post-it notes - No. Haha! What a weird obsession.
squished barefoot through the mud - Nope. Yikes!
been lost - I'd think so. I'm bad with directions!
been to the opposite side of the country - Philippines? Nope. Singapore, well, how far can it be?swam in the ocean - Nope.
felt like dying - Oh yes.
cried yourself to sleep - Hmm...I think the answer's pretty obvious.
played cops and robbers - Yes! Who hasn't?
recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers - No. I've got A-levels!
sung karaoke - Yes...more of forced to.
paid for a meal with only coins - Yeah!
done something you told yourself you wouldn't - Yes...regretted.
made prank phone calls - Oh yes. Heh! I'll never forget them.
laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose - Yes, thanks to my brother who made me laugh while I was drinking Coke. Yes, it was painful.
caught a snowflake on your tongue - Nope!
danced in the rain - No.
written a letter to Santa Claus - Yes, not knowing Santa Claus was my sister.
been kissed under a mistletoe - Nope!
watched the sun rise with someone you care about - Hmm...don't think so.
blown bubbles - Yep!
made a bonfire on the beach - No but I'd love to.
crashed a party - Nope.
gone rollerskating - Rollerblading, yes. My mom would freak out cause I'd do it inside the house.
had a wish come true - Yes.
humped a monkey - What?!?
worn pearls - Yep! That's what the name is for.
jumped off a bridge - Are you crazy?
screamed vagina in class - No.
ate dog/cat food - Haha I've never been THAT hungry. No.
told a complete stranger you loved them - No.
kissed a mirror - Hell no.
sang in the shower - All the time.
have a little black dress - Nope!
had a dream that you married someone - Nope!
glued your hand to something - How about glued my finger to my other finger?
got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - I'm still sane.
kissed a fish - I'm not that desperate.
worn the opposite sexes clothes - Yes! Back when I was tomboy-ish. Oh, the awkward stage of one's life.
been a cheerleader - Not exactly...but I've cheerdanced!
sat on a roof top - Yes.
screamed at the top of your lungs - Yup!
done a one-handed cartwheel - No...I can't even do it with both hands!
talked on the phone for more than 6 hours - Yes...
stayed up all night - Yup!
didnt take a shower for a week - Yuck. No way.
pick and ate an apple right off the tree - Nope.
climbed a tree - No.
had a tree house - No, but I wanted one so badly!
are scared to watch scary movies - Uhh yeah. You won't believe how much I scream.
believe in ghosts - Not really...
have more then 30 pairs of shoes - Currently? No.
worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say - Hmm...how ugly can uniforms get?
gone streaking - No!
played ding-dong-ditch - What's that?
played chicken - What's that?
been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on - No.
been told you're hot by a complete stranger - Hmm...
broken a bone - Nope!
been easily amused - Yes..haha!
caught a fish then ate it - Nope, haven't even tried fishing.
made porn - NO.
caught a butterfly - No, I'm scared of them.
laughed so hard you cried - Yes!!! The feeling is great! Happy and nice abs.
cried so hard you laughed - I usually cry when I'm sad.
mooned/flashed someone - No.
had someone moon/flash you - No.
cheated on a test - Do leakages count?
have a Britney Spears CD - Yeah, I think the oldest one! Hit me baby one more time!

Thanks Layds! :)

My Life So Far...

2005-10-09T20:57:00.000+08:00

Just taking a bit of a break from all the studying. Seriously, I feel like a robot. Working day 'til night...not really caring about other things that are happening...being such a nerd. I've dettached my heart from myself and ignored the life I had. Anyway I was supposed to take quizzes about myself to find out which course is better for me to take in university and I stumbled upon this quiz.

Which O.C. teen character stereotype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Princess - Marissa

Which Member of the Alias SpyGang are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Sydney Bristow

Hmmm...Interesting.

At Long Last

2005-10-09T01:30:00.000+08:00

FINALLY! A blog that can be viewed by the public. Well, guess just wanna welcome everyone into the drama of my life...my idiosyncrasies...my musings and all else. My brain is really too tired to say anything else right now...all that coding was kinda overwhelming (but satisfying). So anyway, I will try to update as much as I can...but as of now, signing off!