Random Thoughts Once Again

Christmas...a season of love, isn't it? But why is it that when I look around, I see images of hatred, deception and sadness. Behind that smile is actually a heart that cries. Yes...the celebration continues. But inside, there's just this nagging feeling of discontentment and melancholy. Guess it is the time of the year where we can actually reflect on what has happened in the year that's just about to end. No work, no school...just time with your friends, family and of course, time with yourself.

People have come to me and shared their recent experiences, those which I am not exactly unfamiliar with. It kind of transported me back to the time when I myself was experiencing it. Surprisingly, the pain is still familiar. It wasn't like before when I used to just forget about the pain to the point that it seemed like I didn't even have to go through it at all. I guess this time around, it scarred me too deeply I can't seem to forget it.

Actually, it's kind of surreal still. Like it happened in a different universe with people who I don't even know anymore. Kind of like I thought I knew who they were but actually, they were just mere ideas of what the person is like. They didn't actually exist and thus, deeming the friendship a lie and the person a figment of my imagination. Funny how we can conjure things up to hurt ourselves in return.

Yes, fooling your own self sounds pathetic. But I guess there is still something sadder than that...fooling yourself and not realizing you're doing it.

Indeed

The brooding ghosts of Australian night have gone from the bush and town;
My spirit revives in the morning breeze,
though it died when the sun went down;
The river is high and the stream is strong,
and the grass is green and tall,
And I fain would think that this world of ours is a good world after all.

The light of passion in dreamy eyes, and a page of truth well read,
The glorious thrill in a heart grown cold of the spirit I thought was dead,
A song that goes to a comrade's heart, and a tear of pride let fall --
And my soul is strong! and the world to me is a grand world after all!

Let our enemies go by their old dull tracks,
and theirs be the fault or shame
(The man is bitter against the world who has only himself to blame);
Let the darkest side of the past be dark, and only the good recall;
For I must believe that the world, my dear, is a kind world after all.

It well may be that I saw too plain, and it may be I was blind;
But I'll keep my face to the dawning light,
though the devil may stand behind!
Though the devil may stand behind my back, I'll not see his shadow fall,
But read the signs in the morning stars of a good world after all.

Rest, for your eyes are weary, girl -- you have driven the worst away --
The ghost of the man that I might have been is gone from my heart to-day;
We'll live for life and the best it brings till our twilight shadows fall;
My heart grows brave, and the world, my girl, is a good world after all.